Okay, so you’ve been together for a while now. Or maybe not.
Perhaps you’ve living together, perhaps not.
But, for whatever reason, you’re starting to think about the idea of getting married to that special somebody in your life.
It just seems the next right thing. A good next step for you both to be making.
Time to celebrate and cement your relationship. The beginning of one of the most special times in your life.
But, as I am sure you already realise, having a great marriage isn’t just about planning an awesome wedding.
And to not give preparing for marriage the same attention that you give to preparing for your wedding, could be to your detriment.
Some couples will ignore this advice.
They figure that if they have been together for the time that they have been together, then they know what they need and they know enough about each other.
All will be fine.
But 1 in 3 marriages fail, despite this being the case.
So how can you avoid the pitfalls of creating an awesome wedding but being trapped in a not so awesome marriage?
Start by considering these five indicators that you may be heading into a sea of trouble.
1) Are you marrying for the wrong reasons, such as pressure from family, or because you don’t want to be lonely, or you want to have a life where you can have sex ‘on tap’. These are just a few examples.
2) Do you have unrealistic expectations for your relationship, marriage, sex life and what love is truly about. This is difficult to discern by yourself, as you probably don’t realise they’re unrealistic. But, if you think sex should always be amazing, or my partner should just know what I need, or that disagreements are destructive, then you are heading for a marriage of frustration and disappointment.
3) Do you know what you most want to have in a long term relationship? What matters most to you? For example, which is more important to you and your partner: family commitment or recreational companionship, sexual fulfilment or affection? Do you both want children, how many, where would you want to live? Are you both on the same page when it comes to your wants and priorities. If not, how might they differ, and what if they change over the years? How are you going to negotiate all of this?
4) What about your current approach to conflict? Is it going to cause both you and your relationship trouble down the line? Do you tend to dominate to get your own way, or do you give in? If you just go by default, and don’t learn how to manage conflict in a way that you both feel a win-win, you may find that tension and dissatisfaction will build.
5) And lastly, are your communication & listening skills what they need to be to understand one another, to appropriately respond to one another, and to work through the inevitable challenges that will come your way.
If you can identify with one or more of these categories, don’t despair!
It doesn't mean you can’t have a great future together.
You just need some fine tuning to build a fantastic future together, not just an amazing wedding!